What is trust in a romantic relationship?
” I stand behind you because I trust you to lead the way…I lead the way because I know you always have my back..”
Creating trust is fundamental in a relationship, is the starting point for living a story that makes us happy and serene. Trust is the basis on which a story is built and consolidated. It means giving oneself in a relationship with the awareness that the other is able to welcome, support and protect. It indicates the precise desire to get involved by meeting the other in a new territory for both of us, in which to let go of barriers and build a new space that contains both their relative individualities and differences. Trusting in your partner means trusting and feeling safe, a real need to feel good as a couple. The point is that trusting is not easy, indeed it is hard work, especially when we experience moments in which we feel betrayed, abandoned and not understood by those who tell us they love us.
The reasons that lead to losing trust in the partner
The lack of trust in love can depend on various causes, which do not only have to do with the couple dynamics, but also with the vision and consideration that we have of ourself.
Some of these are:
Betrayal. It is one of the main causes that creates a wound that is difficult to heal for those who have been betrayed. Even when infidelity seems to have been overcome, lack of trust can become a dangerous constant in the couple’s relationship.
Low self-esteem. A very insecure person can feed the unconscious thought of not deserving the love and affection of the partner. This feeling can manifest itself in the form of control and distrust that damage the health of the relationship. If during the childhood we lived relationships marked by abandonment and traumatic separations, the control over emotions prevails in self-defense and this makes it difficult to rely on the other and really let ourselves go to an intimacy.
Different expectations. It happens that in a relationship the objectives are not explicit and different things are expected. Cohabitation, travel, future together … when only a partner wants them, they can create imbalance and frustration that in the long run undermine trust and feelings.
Sexual problems. Sex is fundamental in a couple and when there are problems in this area, especially if not addressed, it is easy for one of the two partners to interpret this as a lack of desire for him or, worse, as a desire for someone else.
Communication issues. If in the relationship communication fails, the unspoken prevails over the said, reciprocal silences produce distance, misunderstandings, and distrust which in the long run can easily undermine the bond.
Jealousy. Whether retroactive or current, jealousy is always an element of risk in a couple. The feelings of possession, the constant questions, the interrogations, the assumptions, and the frequent scenes, if not kept at bay, can destroy trust (especially in those who suffer from it) and make the couple slip away. – – –– Lies. Whether they are innocent or very serious, in the long run, all lies create fog in a relationship to the point of making esteem and trust truly impossible.
Consequences of a lack of trust
When we lose trust in the person we love, it can trigger a series of chain reactions of other problems, which wear down the relationship, up to even questioning everything. Feeling that we can no longer count on him or her around can lead us to feel annoyed by everything he does, to lose respect and pull out aggression, giving rise to discussions where conflict is sought and not resolution because there we blame each other and only feel their own suffering. And this can create great emotional exhaustion, depression, and communication problems, which if not addressed can also lead to the breakdown of history. When trust breaks down in a relationship, dysfunctional attitudes become a vicious cycle.
How to fill the lack of trust in the couple
The best way out is to quickly and sincerely acknowledge that something is wrong. We need to give a name to the emotions we feel and have the courage to communicate them first to ourselves and then to the others, in order to try to restart a virtuous circle of dialogue and comparison. Some elements are fundamental to re-built trust in a relationship:
- Empathy and awareness abut our and the other person’s feels.
- Time to process the wound.
- Open and sincere communication about our feelings.
- Listen and understand to each other needs.
- Mutual affection, attention and appreciation